open forum from sex and meth addicts asking questions ABOUT SEX AND METH ADDICTION WITH rob lopicola

The idea that you have to ask that question likely means one of two options: you are sex addicted or you are exercising excessive freedom with your sexual behaviors. Not all people who "abuse" certain sexual behaviors are sex addicted. There is typically a distinction between the "abusers" and "addicts" of sexual behavior. That is asking yourself if you can stop that behavior for a significantly measurable period of time and keep your commitment. If despite self-promises, or promises to others, you continue repeating those behaviors and you are out of control, it is likely, yes, you are addicted. The next questions is how deep does your addiction run and how far have you been taking it?

You may be porn addicted which is a form of sex addiction. Obviously you stop watching porn when you stop watching porn. My coach always told me that a person is done watching porn or involved in other sexually addictive behaviors when they are done. Are you done? Now, that is easy to say and ask. I was severely porn addicted for decades and although I have 12 years of sexual sobriety and recreated a life of healthy sexual expression, I have 5 questions I leave near my laptop that I answer anytime I have the "craving" or "desire" for porn (which is really a dopamine hit). 

1. What would happen if I did not watch porn right now?

2. What would happen if I just allow the feeling and let it be?

3. Is this choice to watch porn equivalent to all the feelings that will follow?

4. What is my excellent mental health worth?

5. Is the objectification and brain "rot" worth a few minutes or an hour of dopamine and the sexual "fix?"

If I sit there and write down these questions and  answer them, in the 5 minutes it takes, I am able to separate myself from the feeling and realize I am bigger than the porn.

This is a strategy that will help you but not a fix all. There is much more need for your to overcome this intense addiction, but this process will begin your healing journey.

You're not going to stop thinking about what you're thinking about until you stop thinking about it. Makes sense right? One of the strategies you must learn, apply, practice, and master is being present to what you are thinking about. I have learned in all my years of sobriety and coaching that I, as you are, am not responsible for my first thought. But I am responsible with what I do with that thought. I have learned that if I "fight" the thought, I will lose - I ALWAYS lose. So I don't fight the thoughts anymore. I step back and observe the fact that I am having a thought about sex, or porn, and as I observe I am present. I learn to detach from the thought and simply observe that I'm having the thought. Then, rather than fight a losing battle, I simply change what I'm looking at. I can either look at the consequences of where that thought can take me, or I look at something enjoyable and rewarding I can do at that moment for myself. This is really all about dopamine, brain function, habits, patterns, and life history. This can all change and your thoughts can become peaceful, serene, and positive - in time - but first learn to apply this one strategy of stepping back and observe that you're having the thought. It's only a thought after all. Let me know what you think after practicing this and get back to me.

I was meth addicted for a couple years and I have to be honest, it felt great. However, I also remember getting on my knees begging God or the Universe to take it away from me because it OWNED me. I no longer owned my mind or body, the meth did. Today, after 12 years clean and sober, I remember that if it was so good, why was I on my knees begging God to take it away. It couldn't have been so good. It did feel good and intense during the times I used meth, especially with sex, but I have to be honest - as much as I loved the high, is as much as I missed life, freedom, enjoying the beach, friends, family, the gym, peace of mind, and enjoying the simple things. I lost all of them. I lived for meth and sex. 

I'm going to give you a list of what to do immediately if you are done with meth:

1. Tell someone you love and who loves you the truth

2. Tell all your meth (and sex) secrets to someone

3. Bring EVERYTHING to the light because darkness cannot live in light

4. Find a village of people who have what you want, who have been where you are, and do what they do, so you can get what they have - this is the GREAT SECRET to changing your life.

5. Except the reality that for a few weeks to a month you will have to survive the mental thoughts, the mental romanticizing of the meth use, the body craving with the pit in your stomach, and the illusion that you need the meth (or chem-sex) or you will die. You WILL NOT die!

I make you promise. No one died from stopping using meth and no longer having a rampage of sex. No one died getting healthy. However, many have died in addiction. Start your healing with the 5 suggestions above and get back to me, ok. You can do this. Pay close attention to your thoughts.

Meth is one of the most addictive drugs today and it is no surprise that at a sex party you would cave in. Sex and meth addiction are two of the most relapsed addictions we know of. They are both powerful allies of death and destruction. Saying that, congratulations on submitting this question. I can tell that just by reaching out you are in pain and feel broken, but I also can tell you care about yourself enough to be honest. This is huge and I am so proud of you. Honesty is light. Darkness cannot live in light. Stay honest. Now from here? On your own accord you will likely be unable to stay stopped, not because you are weak, but because your body and mind are addicted, even though there is a part of you that is not, like the part reaching out to me. Please get honest and stay honest, tell people you love and who love you about your meth addiction, journal about your feelings around meth, and definitely get involved with a support group that you feel comfortable in. 

Most importantly, when you are in the despair stage of your meth use, which is the stage right after you are done with a binge, you have a higher chance of changing your life. Grab on to loved ones, tell them honestly, and get involved with a sponsor, coach, program, or therapy to address this immediately. DO NOT deceive yourself and think you can fix this. On your own, you will likely keep going back. If you keep going back, you will begin to feel hopeless. If you feel hopeless, you will slowly destroy your beautiful life.

The mindset that caused the addiction is not the same mindset that can fix it. Your mindset much change.

Watch my videos on this website or my YouTube channel, I have so many that will help you.

www.youtube.com/@roblopicola